Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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