He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
