Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
