he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Randomize
