I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
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Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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