I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
