I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
As shirtless as possible
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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