what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
