i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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