Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
