o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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