I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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