Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
