i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
