We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize