You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
