Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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