Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
