Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
