sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
