His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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