I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
