Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
