i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
