I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
