Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
