I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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