I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
