I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
