I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
