Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
