Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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