i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
