3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
