dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize