You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
