How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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