the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
