I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
