dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
