listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
