She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
