there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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