what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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