So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
