I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
