We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
