I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
