I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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