So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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