brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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