He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
