Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
