1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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