Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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