So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
