she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
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If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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