idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
