I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
