I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
