i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
