Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
