the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
