This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The feeling are messing with the penis
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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