Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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