OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize