1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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