Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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