The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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