Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
