i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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