I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
