so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
