In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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