haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
