The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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