Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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