32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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