I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sext me about skeletons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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