so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
