You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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