I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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