I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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