next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
