but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
