No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
