Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
