so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
