Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
