its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
