Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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