My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
