Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
