hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
