Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize