God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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