Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he puts the penis in happiness.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
